Feel Like a Fraud Today

It has been….you know….one of those days. Where it feels like you’re whole world is coming crashing down on you and you don’t even know why. When you feel like you are a fraud, pretending to be something you’re not in your own home.

Normally, I would go through the day with my head on somewhat straight. I would be confident and at least believe I knew what I was doing. I wouldn’t think twice about my capabilities as a mother, raising four abundant blessings.

Then there is today. The day when your 2-year old fights nap time, tooth and nail. The day your 4-year old goes into an all out tantrum. The day when it seems like nothing is getting done because your head is in the clouds. You wonder why your children are acting this way and why you feel as if you don’t have a clue how to handle it.

It’s one of those days that really opens my eyes to my need for Jesus and how I’ve been lacking His daily bread. It’s a gentle reminder that I’ve yet again tried to take the reins from Him and quickly need to give them back. I need to get into His presence and wait on Him and quit jumping into everyday as if I’ve got it all figured out.

I don’t.

But He does.

Today I am challenged to do a bit more tweeking to my days. I’m going to make some simple autumn resolutions. Care to join me?

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In a Rut

I’ve been in this funk this week that I can’t shake. I have no motivation, yet I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. Anyone else been there? What did you do?

I feel like no matter how hard I try, it’s not good enough, and sometimes I just don’t even feel like trying. I feel like I’m in over my head with homeschooling and caring for 3 small children, too. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but where I stand right now, everything seems impossible.

I haven’t been spending time in the Word – that’s probably to blame for a lot of this. But I keep falling behind and am not motivated (nor can I find the time) to catch up.

I want to be a regular blogger, but I just don’t have the time to keep up the demands.

I need to exercise, too. Something’s gotta give. Maybe I need a new schedule…something better planned. I don’t know. Maybe it’s not my schedule at all. Maybe it’s just me.

When you’re in a rut, what do you do? How do you come out of it?

 

Feel as if I’m failing

I can’t seem to get ahold on my life anymore. I feel like I am failing as a mother. And the harder I try the harder the battle is to fight. I just feel like I’m at the end of my rope…not with my kids – they are great. But with fighting against my own flesh! Against the schemes of the devil. It seems I have all kinds of solutions, but putting them into practice has been a challenge.For one, the computer can be a HUGE time-sucker of mine when I let it…which is all too often I’m afraid. When I don’t feel like doing something or dealing with something, I run to the computer and hide. I hate it! I hate that I am that way! I hate that I feel like I can’t win. I hate that I push my children aside for the computer. And here I am, journaling on the computer about it. *sigh*

Lately I’ve been trying to do whatever I can to get out of the house. The park, the library, play dates. After awhile though, you run out of things to do. We still go to the park and the library once a week – usually on different days. But that still leaves 3 whole weekdays to daddle around on the computer while I’m home.

I’m tired of being selfish. I’m tired of losing the battle. I’m tired of feeling like a failure. I am tired of trying all kinds of schedules and methods to keep me on track and failing them. I’m tired of having weak flesh….it’s never satisfied. It always wants more. I’m just tired. The Lord knows how sorry I am and I’m trying to hide his Word in my heart. Yet, sometimes trying to find the time for that is difficult. What do I cut? Because most hours I’m awake, the kids are awake. The other one to one and a half hours is spent with Jonathan…that only leaves me the option to get up extra early in the morning….and by the time I’m fully awake, the kids will be up. What do I do? I mean, I talk to Jesus all day long….I’ll look up verses during the day…but sitting down and taking the time to read and spend time with Jesus has been lacking lately. Ugh! I can’t win.