Last week I wrote on some major changes that are meant to take place in me and my family. Some of those changes were spoken to me on Sunday and I would like to share them here. Please understand, this word was spoken to me, however, if when you read it, you hear it speaking to your heart, please, don’t ignore it. Heed Him. You will never be satisfied until you surrender [trust me].
For a long time, I often wondered how moms can blog regularly or do internet ministry and still be present for their children often enough. Then I realized, it wasn’t the writing that was the problem for me, it’s all the reading I do on the internet. Still, I was paying too much attention to what other moms were doing, believing I should be doing it, too, rather then listening to that still, small voice of the Holy Spirit. The voice that is supposed to specifically direct me and my family for the mission we were called for.
Without running the risk of going on and on forever here, I just want to tell you what God spoke to me on Sunday. Then I want to kind of clarify my viewpoint of things. These questions were finally laid to rest when I quieted myself long enough to listen for God. This is what He said to me:
“You wonder why so many children are “jumping ship” while having “well-meaning” parents; it’s because they are leaving their children to themselves while they do “ministry”. Don’t make the same mistake. I gave you these children to train to work for me. That’s your job. Pay no heed to what other moms are doing. You just obey.”
Now, I understand I am risking a major flogging here by posting that many moms who do ministry probably shouldn’t be. The reason? Because children are suffering for it – whether we want to admit it or not. And chances are we won’t see the effects of it until later; On those days when we wonder, “what went wrong?” My children were suffering for my “ministry”. This should not be. If the children are suffering, the “ministry” needs to go. So mine went. My blogging will no longer be what it was. What it became was priority. I couldn’t start the day until I had a post up, and sometimes it could take two hours to get that to happen, in between taking care of my kids. I lost the rhythm of my home and the harmony of my children. They missed their mama and they showed it through whining, fighting, disobeying and other negative behavior. Rather then sitting with them during breakfast, I would take my coffee and sit at the computer, either reading or typing, leaving them to themselves. Discipline was lacking because I was staring at a screen rather then being a mother.
These last three days away from the computer, and I mean turned off the entire day, have been bliss. I now sit at the table with them for breakfast, with my coffee, and read them a chapter of Proverbs. I’ve gotten more cleaning done in two days then I would’ve gotten done in a week, being on and off the computer. I was kidding myself when I believed it wasn’t “as bad” if I got on and off in spurts, rather then sitting down for a long spell. Those spurts add up to a lot of time. It was cutting into relationship building with my children, among other things.
My computer time was becoming like an addiction. I became dependent on it for fulfillment, yet ironically, it left me unfulfilled. I told God that the only way I could be helped is supernaturally. I knew I could not stop this on my own. And that’s exactly what He’s done.
Blogging is no longer a priority that I make time for. In fact, it is the lowest thing on the totem pole. When I have some minutes to spare, I will post [like right now]. Longer posts [like this one] will more than likely be left in “draft” state, as I add to them when I have time–not when I make time. I just cannot sit down and type out a long post while my children are left to themselves. And I won’t take away my time with my husband in the evening either. That is very precious time for us to connect as husband and wife and we need it to keep our marriage on fire. We look forward to it and enjoy it.
I only have one shot to be the best mother to my children and to raise them to fear God and love Him. As children, they will only know His love through their parents. If we give them a poor sampling, they are not going to be interested in how much God loves them when they’re older. If God is anything like a mother who spends hours on and off the computer, leaving her children to themselves, they will begin to make their own decisions rather then waiting on God’s voice. There is so much to be taught in a lifetime, our minutes are precious and must be spent to make the most of every opportunity.
Finally, we are living in a time of major spiritual warfare and possibly the end times. Since I don’t know for sure, I need to train my children up as warriors for the Lord. I cannot afford to raise up sissy Christians. This is no easy task and requires all my attention. Satan wants to distract me any way he knows how. I need to recognize it better.
So, when you see less posting and commenting, this is why.
And to tell you the truth, it’s a freedom I cannot explain. I don’t feel like I am missing out by not being on the computer. But I did feel like I was missing out by not being attentive to my children.
Do I enjoy blogging? Absolutely! But the cost was too high. I’ll still be here and there, but I won’t be reading nearly as much and I won’t be posting daily. So, I pray you will continue to visit once in a while and I will do some visiting as I can. In the future, I may even turn my comments off. We shall see where the Lord leads.
July 9, 2009 at 11:01 am
Bless you for sharing such an intimate time in this season of your life. It is very true that sometimes we allow things such as spending too much time on the computer, phone, reading to ourselves… that we’re not taking care of the most important ministry God graced us with – our children – our family! I’m sitting here with you, as recently I stepped down from my volunteer position at church as the Children’s Ministry Coordinator b/c it was taking too much time away from my marriage & children. Constantly worried about what was going on there – took too much time about worrying of the gifts God me right here at home. I’ve recently realized too I need to spend more time with my children & husband and complete certain things around the house before I allow myself to sit in front of this computer screen (as this morning I got up with my husband to send him off pleasantly & my kids are not home as they spent the night with family). So this morning I turned the screen on (before I’ll probably return to bed) & found your post!! How wonderful God is to bring someone along side us to share this season together!!!
~Hugs, HL
July 9, 2009 at 3:04 pm
This is excellent, and a place I’ve found myself time and time again. You are brave and honest and I believe the Spirit will use this post to convict the hearts of mothers…I know mine is. My days are much better as well when I only write and blog in the evenings when the babes are asleep.
You are one authentic woman, Christin.
July 9, 2009 at 8:41 pm
Great to hear that you have found that within you. Some people never realize that they are addicted or overusing the internet, phone, or tv. Not that using the internet, phone or tv is bad, but for someone who can’t seem to balance it out, it is great to just “let it go” so to say.
I have found myself in the past feeling the same way about ministry. Main reason why I do not help out in a church at all. (And that I am still feeling my way into the church again
)
But, I find it that my “ministry” (sorry, I just hate saying that my family is a ministry…makes it feel like it is a job to me and it is not…) needs to come first. And I am even turned off by a church that requires parents to volunteer in a children’s area or nursery. I want to attend church to reach higher to God and enjoy my time in worship and fellowship..ya know?
Well, it will be sad not to hear from you as often, but just like my family comes first, same as yours.
Enjoy!
July 9, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Thank you for your honesty! I have “streamlined” my blogging lately too. It was becoming too much, and I wasn’t being the wife I should be.
-Ashley
July 21, 2009 at 2:25 pm
thanks for this post. it has spoken to me…
July 22, 2009 at 6:23 am
I see that you made this post on July 9th, but I’m just now reading it because I have completely come to the same conclusion with my own blogging time and the time I spend with my 4 kids. For a while I was feeling bad if I hadn’t posted on my own blog as frequently as I thought I should have, but then the thought came to me that my kids probably feel bad when I chose the computer time over time with them. I definately wouldn’t want my kids’ memories of me to be that of a mom always on the computer, but rather that of a mom who was present in their lives. We can be stay-at-homes moms but not be there for our kids because of the time we spend doing other things (computers).
It’s funny because this last week I got a virus on my computer, and in a way it was sort of a welcome to me because with my computer out of commission, I didn’t even worry about blogging or checking email because I couldn’t. So I was so much more relaxed around the kids, I wasn’t constantly thinking that “I oughtta go blog, or check my email”- it was a welcome change. Now that my computer is up and running I realize that I my life will go on if I skip a few days or even a week of blogging. Because when it comes down to it, I wasn’t put on this earth to be a great blogger- I was put on this earth to be a great mother!
Julianne
July 23, 2009 at 6:24 pm
This post sums up what I’ve been feeling in the back of my mind for a few weeks. My daughter is only 10 months old, but I don’t want her early memories of me to include the laptop constantly at my fingers.
Your recent post on respecting your husband really hit home as well. I am guilty of venting to friends or family when my husbands behavior or faltered attempts at something are less than stellar. I do try to constantly tell him what a great dad and husband he is – I just need to work on eliminating the negative!
August 12, 2009 at 9:29 pm
[...] Posted on July 10, 2009 by christinnjon Good Friday morning friends! This week has been one of change and productivity! It has been very exciting, to say the least! Today I am taking the time to clean [...]
August 23, 2009 at 2:56 am
[...] Let the Change Begin ~ @Journey to a Gracious Woman [...]
August 23, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Thank you for your courage and honesty. I am not a blogger, and I just happened upon your site for the first time today…
I’ve always felt that “I’m not addicted”….well…..because there is no one thing that lures me….compels me….
I’m just your average stay-at-home mom who is drawn to the computer 37 times a day; I think, out of boredom? Escape? I’m not picky. Ebay, blogs, retail, news sites, celebrities…anything really. Something….everything. Well not really…I don’t do porn and unrespectale, so that makes it okay….? This has been weighing on my heart for some time, but I’ve put off the tough decision of doing anything about it….because a part of me isn’t ready to change. I’ve become an ineffective mom, wife, and friend. But – hey! I’ve always said “I don’t watch TV”. Aren’t I disciplined!
This hurts. I’ve wasted many many hours with my boys, as they go about their chores, homework, meals, bike rides. They leave the house often to come home and find me in the exact same place as they left me. I’m not proud. I’m just now realizing my terrible routine and lifestyle. I want it to be different. Will moving the computer downstairs be enough?
I thank you because you have encouraged me to come clean, to address my behavior, to see my sin. I want to honour God in what he has given me to be responsible – how could I be so blind and so defiant? I don’t have the answer yet……really, but I think I know where to start. Kim
August 24, 2009 at 2:15 am
You can do this- it does take a little self- discipline in the beginning– I know- because I did it- a few years ago- praying for each of you as you find a balance again- hugs from Meme
August 24, 2009 at 12:20 pm
I’ve come to you from TheOrgJunkie.
For YEARS I have struggled with feeling as though I should HAVE more of a ministry, because many others do. But I just kept feeling God say, “No, your ministry is your children, your home!” I have just been so convicted not to be SO wrapped up in others and caring for them that it takes OTHERS to take care of MY children (youth pastors, teachers, mentors, etc.) I have some freedom in that.
But, I too, need an adjustment to my blogging time. I really do try to do it in the early a.m. before anybody gets up. But, how often do my kids see my nose poked into my computer screen? Entirely too much! Thanks for the reminder.
Nicole
August 31, 2009 at 4:40 pm
Wow. This really spoke to me. And not just about blogging either. Thank you!
September 3, 2009 at 2:50 am
I came to your site through OrgJunkie as well. This post perfectly sums up what I’ve been thinking recently. There is so much that I read about that I would love to implement in my home, but I spend so much time reading that I don’t actually DO any of it.
September 10, 2009 at 4:57 am
Oh Christin, I could have written this very same post. I’ve also often had the same thoughts as to how other moms seem to do blogging/homeschooling/homekeeping etc. I’ve really come to believe that the truth is they don’t do it all. They just can’t. Something will always suffer. Like now, my house is picked up, laundry is folded. We got home around 9:30 from church and I did some preparation work on Shakespeare for our homeschool co-op and everything is set, school wise, for tomorrow but here I am “getting my online” time. At what price? Sleep. There are days I wish we could just go back to life before computers. The TV was actually easier to get rid of than I think the computer would be.
My teenagers (15 and 14) eyes are wide and big right now and that is very eye opening/convicting for me.
There is no condemnation to anyone at all. We are all at different places/times in our walk with the Lord and in our lives. More than ever I’ve just felt the need to pull back. I have a list of blogs that I enjoy reading but I really only read two-three on a regular basis. I just check in on the rest from time to time.
I still have a package for you!! I’m so slow at getting things in the mail these days. Maybe tomorrow. I have another package that needs to be mailed so I’ll put yours in the basket to take too.
Hugs friend.
September 10, 2009 at 10:16 am
[...] desire to serve them with everything in me. The distractions are killing me. Remember my post: Let the Change Begin ? I still hold to that belief and don’t want to have to rewrite the post because I fell back [...]