Mother’s have a responsibility to discipline and train their children. Often, we take this challenge too lightly and underestimate it’s value. Furthermore, we fail to recognize that discipline and training are more then just behavior modification. Discipline and training should deal with the heart and we need to understand this in order to effectively raise children.
Mother’s also have the responsibility of educating themselves on how to train and discipline their children. There are many methods, but not all of them will raise godly children, even those in the Christian circle. Everything must start with the Bible and it’s Truths. What does the Bible say about child training? Quite a bit, actually! Have you ever dug into Proverbs? There is more wisdom packed in there then we could possibly live out in one lifetime! But don’t let that discourage you. Let it encourage you. We have the best advice and wisdom on child training and life, for life. Proverbs is just one toolbox for our journey. The Bible is jam-packed full of lessons to teach our children and advice on how to train and discipline them, and why.
Here are a few things the Bible has to say about child training and discipline:
Proverbs 22:6 (NASB)
6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.Proverbs 22:15 (NASB)
15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.Proverbs 13:24 (NASB)
24 He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.
To train and discipline are somewhat different.
To train means: to develop or form the habits, thoughts, or behavior of (a child or other person) by discipline and instruction: to train an unruly boy.(dictionary.com)
The KJV, which is where I find the root of the words translated to English, does not even use the word discipline when speaking about child training. It uses the word instruction or chasten. The root word for instruction is mûsār (Strong’s Talking Greek & Hebrew Dictionary), which means chastisement. The root word for chasten is yāsar (Strong’s Talking Greek & Hebrew Dictionary), which means to chastise. So, we conclude that these words mean one in the same. The definition for chastise is
1. to discipline, esp. by corporal punishment. (dictionary.com)
Now, believe it or not, my intent today was not to pull out an argument for or against corporal punishment. In fact, I was going to stay away from the topic of corporal punishment altogether because I know it is a very controversial one, and the truth is, if God can’t convince you, I surely won’t be able to. But, this is where my findings have lead me today, and believe it or not, I’m rather surprised by it myself. I didn’t expect so much of this to point back to corporal punishment.
What I do want to try to convince you of regarding this, is to seek out God’s Word for Truth, and be open to the Holy Spirit. My intent is not to try to convince anyone to discipline by means of corporal punishment, but to enlighten us all to the importance of training and discipline as a whole. There will be a time for addressing corporal punishment but it is not right now.
On that note, I’m doing a giveaway which opens today and ends next Tuesday. Yay!! For those of you who don’t already know, this is my very first giveaway. Woo hoo!! Joanne Miller, a teacher and co-author of Effective Parenting Ministries, has graciously agreed to give one winner a copy of her book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes…in you and your kids!, co-authored with Scott Turanksy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here are the rules for the giveaway:
- In order for your entry to qualify, your reply must be topic related. Entries with two-liners (Pick me, Love it, good post, etc.) will be removed. The point of this giveaway is to help moms who are in real need and are being encouraged by what they read here. All I ask is that you show authentic participation if you want to be included in the giveaway.
- For extra entries
- *you may Tweet, Facebook, and/or blog about this series and giveaway. Feel free to use the series button on your blog. Other moms may need the encouragement and need to know what’s going on here. You get one entry per promotion (one for tweeting, one for Facebook, one for blogging, etc). Please leave the link for each promo in each comment you leave.
*subscribe to Journey to a Gracious Woman
*put my button on your blog.
***If you are already subscribed and/or already have my button on your blog, each still counts as an extra entry for you, so be sure to leave a comment for each one*** - Be sure you leave a link to your blog and/or your email address so that I can contact you if you win!!
- Giveaway is open to U.S. residents only
- Giveaway ends Monday, June 15 @ 11:59PM EST. Winner will be announced Tuesday, June 16 in the next column of A Mother’s Responsibility which will be a written review of the book
- I will contact the winner via email or blog and she will have 3 days to contact me with a mailing address, otherwise a new winner will be chosen. Please don’t let that happen!!
June 9, 2009 at 10:38 am
Great post my friend. It’s all about training our kids. AND being consistent. I know sometimes when I’m tired or something I start to “give” into the whining. I know it’s wrong and it makes it harder to start over. Sounds like a great book. Oh and I LOVE the KJV of the bible. It’s the only one I read.
HUGGING you!
Kim
June 9, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Ok. I think I really need this book. Almost every time I ask any of the children to do something they whine or complain or do it with a bad attitude. Not every time, but like 90% of the time. They complain about how much they have to do (which isn’t much at all) or compare what they do with what a sibling does. I have one that seems to have a perpetual bad attitude (except around daddy). In a word: HELP!!!
June 9, 2009 at 2:23 pm
This is a subject that my husband and I are dealing with so much right now with our two year old. We are having the hardest time trying to balance out discipline and punishment. We want to get it right from the start, but it is so hard. Even at two, my little girl is so sassy and sometimes down right mean. I don’t understand how this has developed, except it has to come from daycare because we don’t act like that at home. We need help!
June 9, 2009 at 2:46 pm
http://jessicaislosingit.blogspot.com/2009/06/just-when-i-needed-it.html
forgot to add my blog post.
June 9, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Jen, make sure to tune in Thursday b/c Christin and I will be handling whining/complaining on both our blogs!
Love the definition of train!
June 9, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I started following so I’ll get the update. Thanks.
June 9, 2009 at 2:42 pm
I am fighting this battle feircely with myself right now. Trying to figure out the balance between training and discipline. Discipline tends to re active. Re-acting to bad behavior. Training seems pro active. Before the disobedience. I am trying to find ways to be pro-active in training and not just re-active to disobedience. Does that makes sense. Especially with my 5 year old daughter whose sassy mouth has been sending me into orbit lately. I can use all the help I can get.
June 9, 2009 at 2:47 pm
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=550726924&ref=name
I left a link in my FB because I know a lot of mother’s who could use your wisdom!
Thanks Again!
June 9, 2009 at 3:03 pm
I put both buttons on my blog.
June 9, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I posted about this on my blog.
http://jent-manyblessings.blogspot.com/2009/06/whining-complaining-and-bad-attitudes.html
June 9, 2009 at 3:41 pm
I am Canadian so please don’t enter me in the contest. I just wanted to comment and say bravo! You took what the bible was telling you about corporal punishment and laid it out for others to see. Even though it was not your intention to bring this up you followed God’s Word and wrote about what he has to say in regards to raising children.
June 9, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Wow! I just ran across this book yesterday while I was searching for answers to the anger management problems my son has developed. And, I thought to myself, that looks great…I wish I had the money right now. And here it is! I only pray that I can win…Anyway, as I shared with you previously…my husband has left the family and since then there has been a lot of whining and complaining and anger. I would love another perspective and more practical tips to use for the raising of my three kids. I intend to blog and facebook about this also. Thanks again Alicia
June 9, 2009 at 5:20 pm
I LOVED their book, “Good and Angry”, it changed my parenting. I am no longer an angry parent and my whole family is benefiting from it! I would love to read this book. My friend bought it and said it has a lot about teaching our children to honor each other and their parents. I would love to be able to learn more about that.
June 9, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Excellent post and yes, there is so much advice for us right in the Bible! It is so important to train and discipline our children and it’s for their benefit too. The book that changed our family, even my son’s reaction to discipline was Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp. Our Christian school actually requires parents to read it and take a class on it. It refers back to all these same Scriptures!
June 9, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I’m glad that you are posting on this topic. I do have a question though….how do you discipline/work out the heart attitude with a toddler who doesn’t yet talk? I want to work on the heart attitudes, but it’s rather difficult when we can’t verbally communicate.
June 9, 2009 at 8:07 pm
I have yet to find the right thing to do with my kids, I feel help less many times, it is so hard to react with a positive attitude or to be a soft spoken mother when all I grew up was screaming, how can I train my kids when I need training myself????I don;t want to ruin my kids.
June 10, 2009 at 12:12 am
I’m excited about this series!!! I’m actually in the middle of a Parenting from Proverbs series on my blog, so I linked to your blog and Like a Warm Cup of Coffee – these posts fit SO WELL with what we’re talking about!
I can’t agree heartily enough that we need to be looking to the book of Proverbs – bookstores are drowning in parenting books when what we really need is to fear the Lord ourselves, gain wisdom, and seek to disciple our children in Truth.
Keep up the good work!
June 10, 2009 at 12:12 am
I’m following your blog now.
June 10, 2009 at 12:13 am
I blogged about your series
June 10, 2009 at 12:15 am
I love this series that you are doing Christin because I think so many parents, Christians or not, try to be more like friends with their kids. They are scared to discipline because they think “my kids won’t like me if I do”. Hey, I’ve been there- I hate seeing my kids unhappy/angry with me. But then I realize that when I discipline the right way (the rod AND reproof bring wisdom), they are more open instead of closed off to me. Spanking does no good if you’re angry and if you don’t bring reproof into the equation. and vise versa. When I am calm as I discipline my kids they in turn stay calm.
Your post was a great reminder of our duties as parents!
Julianne
June 10, 2009 at 12:44 am
This is a very good post…you can always tell the children whose parents are faithful in child training, and those whose parents are not!
June 10, 2009 at 3:10 am
Holy cow. This speaks right to me. My husband and I talk with our 3 year-old (and sometimes our 1-year old) about this all the time. We stress having a good attitude and want desperately to train our kids by repetition and practice the importance of a good attitude and owning it. Lately, it has been so tough with my 3-year-old. It is so tough to be consistent, and we’d LOVE a reference that ties it all together for us. Thanks for the great blogging!
June 10, 2009 at 4:20 am
We have dealt with discipline issues since my 9 year old son was about 18 months old. There is not enough room in your comment section to tell you how much I need this book. I feel like I am totally failing. Spiritually as well as just practically. My husband and I can’t seem to find the right way to effectively discipline him and we both know that if we can’t do it now, we for sure won’t do it when he’s a teenager. Of course, Jesus is going to come get us before then. =)
Seriously, I would love this book. Thank you for offering it!
June 10, 2009 at 11:55 am
I think 2 secrets of raising Godly children through discipilne are first realizing that is our DUTY TO discipline them! We rob them if we don’t give them boundaries, The second secret is to say things once, and then act! The dreaded slogan for our house is ’slow obedience is no obedience’ I really enjoy reading your blog!
June 11, 2009 at 12:10 am
My 2 1/2 year old little boy is a wild and crazy little one… my husband and I are not sure what the best way to discipline him is and could use any advice and encouragement that we can get! We want him to grow up to be a faithful and loving man….
June 11, 2009 at 4:17 am
i’m subscribed – one entry for me… another reply coming upl
June 11, 2009 at 4:18 am
this subject is at the forefront for me right now. the last two days have been quite a struggle and i’m praying for wisdom while seeking knowledge. thanks for the opportunity to learn more here!
June 11, 2009 at 5:18 am
I have been dealing with whining lately with my four year old. I am really seeing what you mean about a heart issue. It it so easy to discipline out of frusteration…and then I wonder why it doesnt have any affect! I have read so many parenting books, you would think I would have all the answers, guess I need to be looking at the bible first!
June 11, 2009 at 5:29 am
Yay! got a link posted on my blog: http://nemuzikgurl.xanga.com/ (but I am still too new to this blogging thing to figure out how to make a button work).
June 11, 2009 at 4:52 pm
We have really been fighting the complaining bug around here lately. I have 4 little blessings ages 5,4,2 and 8 months. It seems that the two oldest are doing a great job of teaching my two year old how to whine. We really try to work on keeping our words encouraging and uplifting (1 Thes 5:11)… if it’s not encouraging or uplifting to those who hear it… dont say it! We have also tried the “try it again” approach. If something comes out rude, whining or complaining, Mommy will say “Try again, please” and they know they need to rephrase it in a polite and encouraging way.
June 12, 2009 at 12:12 am
Well, Christin, obviously you already know that I’m in the middle of a challenging training time right now. Thank you for your encouragement to hop over and enter the giveaway. How perfectly appropriate for me that you and Sarah Mae are doing this series right now. I definitely could use the encouragement.
I have actually read part of this book, but it’s on loan from a friend. It is a GREAT book–well, the parts I’ve read, anyway! I highly recommend it. Really, it all boils down to building a home filled with honor. Parents honoring children and children honoring parents and everyone honoring God. Sounds pretty good, don’t you think?
June 12, 2009 at 12:13 am
Christin, I subscribe to your blog in a reader.
October 5, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Hey…just dropping by and wanted to chat about a few things here…maybe I’m just reading this post wrong, though, so correct me if I’m not understanding eveyrthing right.
First, I’m not sure that discipline *is* spanking… I think that discipline can involve spanking, sure. But discipline is that fine (and often exhausting-lol) art of *guiding* our children. I think of it as a term synonymous with shepherding: the art of leading our children to green pastures—pastures which have boundaries, sure, but also have a wide range in which to roam….and the rod and staff are primarily for whopping WOLVES, not the lambs!
Most of the guiding that the Lord does for me is in the form of gentle reminders, redirection, new thoughts, object lessons, seeing the fruit of my actions, etc… If the Lord swatted me every time I failed to be perfect, I’d turn into either a very passive fearful child, or a really rebellious angry child of His, looking forward to the day when I could finally escape Him.
I guess I just worry that for those who think discipline=spanking, they will see every problem as needing a spanking, when often, a big huge hug and a quick reminder will do the trick just fine (which strengthens the relationship instead of hurting it).
A toddler’s normal developmental stages, for example, include him learning that he is an autonomous being—-and this is a GOOD thing, born of our Creator God who designed us to mature thusly. The toddler and young preschooler is SUPPOSED to be trying to do things for himself, choose things for himself, learning that he has a yes and a no that he can employ for himself. So he doesn’t need spankings every time he exerts his will, because that would be thwarting the important lessons he is learning (designed by God)—he just needs help learning how to exert his will in healthy ways.
The child needs parents mature enough to give him choices, to let him feel good about becoming an autonomous being, safe within the boundaries of parental guidance, yes, but within those boundaries they give him all sorts of opportunities to learn that he is a special individual with a right to say yes or no to things. (This grows a healthy adult, who is able to say yes or no instead of being manipulated or bullied into doing whatever the people in power want—-an important life skill!).
And we (*I*) need help from the Spirit to live out the fruit of the Spirit towards our children-ha! Patience is a beautiful thing. Gentleness is a beautiful thing. When we are filled with the Spirit, we are beautiful mothers. Love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, self-control—–imagine being disciplined by someone brimming with that kind of fruit! I would WANT to be guided by that person (and I am—the Spirit who guides me is full of that fruit).
And, yeah, sure, sometimes our children need corrective discipline that doesn’t feel good. Sometimes they have to experience consequences that are no fun, because there is an important lesson to be learned there that can’t be learned any other way. I have five kids, and sometimes the hard consequences are what finally helps them hear what I wish they would have heard a less painful way. But I think that can be a pretty rare thing, not a normal every day occurance, because there are so many kind and honor-filled ways we can help guide our children into good decisions, that often, that is all that is needed.
One other point I wanted to make was the that Proverbs are general statements, often in imagery format, *not* necessarily specific instructions. We should not believe that spanking a child will literally drive foolishness from their heart (just as we should not *literally* hold a knife to our throat when eating at a rich man’s house).
If that is actually true, in a literal sense, that beating with a rod (which, if you want to be literal, was a big stick on the back, not an American style spanking) can drive out foolishness from a heart, then Christ certainly did not need to die, because all that was needed was for God to give humanity a good long beating and viola, we’d have nice clean hearts. Only…the Old Testament and the New Testament are proof that punishment does not drive foolishness out of anyone’s hearts.
Grace did, though, in the form of Jesus Christ.
Punishment inspires fear, which will inspire an obedience, of a sort. But I don’t want a home with fear. I want a home of love, which casts out fear. I love Turansky and Miller and think they do a fantastic job of helping us learn ways to parent our children that involve honor and teaching parents how to help our children stay inside of healthy boundaries, while at the same time promoting an atmosphere of love, not fear.
Rambling my way off… Thanks for the interesting conversation.
October 6, 2009 at 12:51 am
I don’t have a lot of time to really go into all this here, but perhaps I can do a post in the future on it.
Instead I’d encourage you to really search the scriptures, because it’s not just in Proverbs. My job is not to coax you into believing what is on this blog. My goal is to search the scriptures for myself and seek God on His Truths. If I find to be in error, I will happily admit it, because I don’t want to be. This is not to sound arrogant in anyway, rather it is simply to let readers know I am serious about what I believe in and will not back down just because someone disagrees. The Bible speaks for itself and if the Word can’t convince us, nothing will.
October 6, 2009 at 7:04 am
I agree. The Bible does speak about it. It tells us that punishment cannot cleanse the heart of man, cannot perfect us, cannot fix us, cannot save us, cannot cure us. So if punishment cannot cure us, then it cannot cure our children.
If punishment can cure our children, then the glory goes to punishment, not to God. That, and Jesus certainly wasted His death.
But we know that cannot be.
Punishment does not cleanse us. It can deter us from things, yes, but it has no spiritual effect. It’s a behavior-modificational tool, and Pavlov and Skinner proved that it can work. But it works for very base reasons, not for heart-changing ones.
This isn’t to say that there aren’t times for consequences—-parenting is not always sweet cuddly hugs. Life has moments of punishment…. I am just speaking of a general mindset. Spanking or not spanking is not even the issue at all. It really isn’t about that. It’s about what our job is as parents. It can’t be to perfect our children, when we can’t even manage to perfect ourselves. And it also can’t be to punish them into perfection or goodness, because goodness does not come by punishment. (Goodness is a fruit of the Spirit, not a fruit of spanking or time-out or anything of that sort).
If we are to show them God, then we parent them as He parents us, right? And the way He parents us is…so very very full of grace. Hard things, sometimes, YES, absolutely. But the overall overarching theme of it all is this great huge atmosphere of grace, of acceptance, of mercy, of approval, of delight. He does not seek to punish us every time we screw up (see the Father in the Prodigal Son story for an example of God’s parenting style…that one really is mind-boggling).
He is not in an adversarial relationship with us where He’s watching for our failures and popping us when we don’t measure up. That’s the Adversary that does that kind of stuff…and it is very destructive, which is why he does it…
But God, wow. We are all on the same side, He and all of us. It’s not us against Him, or Him against us. He is *for* us. And I, as a parent, am on the same team as my kids. I love it.
I have ample room for improvement, sure, but the environment God sets for me makes for a beautiful place to grow in grace as I seek to parent my children the same way.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to chatter here.
Warmly,
Molly
October 6, 2009 at 7:16 am
Btw, I hope this all comes out right. Your blog has sure been fun to peruse and you seem like a really nice person.
I’m someone who has come out of the Pearl/Tripp/Gothard/Ezzo-type of parenting philosophy, and so I really had to research all of this stuff and look it over upside and down in coming out of it, and so each little thing means so much to me. I am a natural authority type of person, so when I err, it’s on the *too much* side of parental authority. I realize that others can err on the side of too little parental authority, and that they need encouragement to step it up. Regardless, the Spirit is a good enough Over-parent and can help each one of us, in our own unique situation, be a good parent to the children we have (thanks, God!). 
I just get concerned, given my background, when I see concepts shared that I don’t think accurately represent the whole of the Bible’s message. And the idea that punishment can make our children good is just…not in the whole message. I speak as one who was tricked by that lie, not as one who is somehow amazing and never fooled. Heh… *sad laugh* So, anyways, it just means a lot to me, that’s all. But I really hope this all came out in a friendly sort of way, because it was NOT meant in any other way. Just yammering musing, that’s all. You seem like a super nice woman and a gentle soul.
Love,
Molly