I was reading an interview at Heart of the Matter Online and I was intrigued to find a woman with a gift for writing that I have not yet come across. Her words are soft, delicate, and simple. But, the simplicity of it does not take away from the writing. Instead, it adds to it.

She has a beautiful journal she shares pieces of on her blog.  She more than inspired me to make my own. She gave me a new way to express my thoughts on paper without feeling obligated to write many words.

I encourage you to check out her blog. Her writings and the pictures of her journal as well as the intent that lay behind it. She writes

It’s a way of shining a beam into the dark and figuring out what’s going on in there, in the shadows of a soul, what’s happening on the days I’m overcast. I write because our words, like His, can be a lamp, a light unto our paths.

Just a page, a place to place a day, so it won’t get lost in the dark.

It’s what journaling is: catching the light. Catching God filtering through your moments… so your soul can grow.

It’s a place to record some ups and downs, some good memories and verses to cling to. A place to write the voice of God and talk to Him about my day. A place to thank Him for what He’s done for me.

Here are some glimpses into my own journal

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I must admit (here I go being transparent again), homeschooling is a huge challenge. It requires impecible discipline…something I continue to strive for but have not yet obtained.

There are always questions of whether I am doing enough and whether or not I am being effective. There are days when I seriously just don’t feel like doing it, or to put it better, just need a break. I think this is why we are going to become year-round homeschoolers. This will give us more flexibility with more breaks, but not so long that everyone becomes bored, forgets work, or has to majorly adjust to getting back to a regular [school] routine.

I came across a verse this week, posted on another blog that really helped me.

Jesus said,

I tell you the Truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24

Wow. I mean, wow. Why can’t things be easier said then done? Seriously. Why is everything always a battle?

You know, I was hoping to get more of an encouraging post up here!

On the lighter side of things, I can focus on some of the positives of the school year: Gabriella is moving forward and is excelling. Benjamin (3) is learning to read. Even I am learning new things and am really enjoying it!

We will be starting Year 2 of Tapestry of Grace possibly in the fall, but maybe sooner. Personally, I know if I fall out of routine too much, it will be much harder to get back into it. This all comes back to habit training again. It is so important to lay that foundation and it takes such discipline and act of will. It takes Jesus – that’s what it takes!! Apart from Him, I can do nothing!

Habits are not a new concept and I’m sure that most, if not all, of you who come across my blog know, in some respect, how important good habits are. Good habits lay a foundation for smoother and simpler living.

I have been trying to create habits since I started homeschooling (3 years ago). I’ve succeeded at some and failed at many. I’ve learned a few things about how to succeed more and fail less. Here are a few things you need to know about habits:

1. Habits are important

If we are to teach our children about habits and help them create habits, we need to do it as well. We can even do this along side them. Then, hopefully, when they’re older and running their own homes, they won’t have to struggle like many of us have!

Charlotte Mason says it well in Home Education:

But who is able for these things? Not the child, immature of will, feeble in moral power, unused to the weapons of the spiritual warfare. He depends upon his parents; it rests with them to initiate the thoughts he shall think, the desires he shall cherish, the feelings he shall allow.

In other words, children do not yet have that power of will to motivate them to begin or even keep habits. It is up to us as parents to learn habits ourselves so that we may teach them to our children. They are not aware that distractions are more than just distractions. Satan uses this trickery to draw us away from the things that matter most: our time with God. It always begins there, doesn’t it?

What else can we learn about habits?

2. Habits rule our thoughts and acts

Good or bad, habits rule our thoughts and acts. This is why it is so important to be mindful of what we’re thinking. It’s also important for us to memorize scripture so that God’s Word is ruling our thoughts and thus our acts.

By our very nature, we form habits automatically. Habits of eating regularly, bathing/showering, getting dressed, and doing other things to go about our day. They are habits because we do them everyday.

Probably my best habit is having my coffee in the morning!

Ok, on to number 3:

3. Habits require an act of will

…if we could discover the raison d’etre, [or "reason for being"],  of this enormous force of habit it would be possible to go to work on the laying down of habits with real purpose and method. (~Charlotte Mason, Vol. 1, pg.111)

In other words,

If we can discover what makes habit such a powerful force, we will be convinced to seek out and lay down the best tracks of habit. (~Charlotte Mason, Vol. 1, pg.111, Modern English Verson)

What do you think it is? What do you think is the “powerful force” that lay down the habits? Are you interested in learning more about habits?

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I have been trying for several months to try and create a ministry right here on my blog. I have been mentored by a fellow blogger friend, encouraged by readers and their comments, and humbled by emails of gratitude.

Yet, I still feel so lost at times, not knowing which is the best approach and how to maximize the small window of time I have to minister to other. Even so, everything I write here, I write to myself first and foremost. Many of the challenges I put out are for me first, because I know they are areas of struggle. Often, laying out a plan and just writing down my struggles allows the Holy Spirit to work through me and in me.

A Woman Inspired is putting on a conference called Ministry: Online and it is going to show those of us who want to do ministry online how to do it! Topics include:

• finding your passion
• giving your blog a facelift
• social media
• starting from scratch
• and much more!

I encourage you to attend this conference so that you can make the most of this ministry. This is something I really want to do. I am not certain yet if I can, but I thought I would at least spread the word so that other’s could know about it, too!

Oh, did I mention there will be prizes?! What are you waiting for?! Register here!

So, this is me, my senior year in high school!

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*Join me tomorrow for a piece on the importance of habits and how to lay them.*

Titus 2:4 (NASB)
…to love their children,

Now, I know this seems like a real obvious responsibility of a mother, but what I want to do is just shed some light on what it really means to love and the fact that we are commanded by Jesus to love. This is our greatest responsibility so do not miss this!

Before we move on to what it means to love our children, we need to understand that in order to love our children, we must first and foremost:

• Love God

Deuteronomy 6:5 (NASB77)
⁵ “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

If we do not love God, we will struggle in everything else.

1 Corinthians 13:3 (NASB77)
³ And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

• Love your husband

Titus 2:4 (NASB77)
⁴ that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands…

Remember, loving others is a command:

John 13:34 (NASB77)
³⁴ “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.

I believe it is very important for our children to see their mother’s loving their father’’s, and vice versa. Love for our husbands is most often spelled R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Ephesians 5:33 (NASB77)
³³ ….and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.

I will have more on respecting our husbands in the future (so be sure you’re subscribed because you don’t want to miss it).

So, the most important things before loving our children are to: love God, and love [and respect] our husbands. When we love God we will love the things of God and therefore be able to love our children better. Our priorities for them will be God’s priorities for them.

Next, I want to point out how love is defined in the Bible. This will lay the foundation of what love looks like and how our children should experience it.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NASB)
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,
⁵ does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
⁶ does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
⁸ Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.

Today, we are going to look at what love is. There are two specifics that love is: Love is patient and love is kind.

Love is Patient

Now, I know what you are all thinking, “Well, I’m in trouble because I struggle with patience every single day.” Guess what? You are not alone. And this is still no reason why we cannot continue to work forward toward being patient. Something we really need to grab a hold of is that God is not going to just hand us patience on a platter and one day it’s going to just happen. No, patience is something we grow into by managing the demands of mothering.

From my experience, many of my own frustrations have been when my children became a burden simply because I had my own agenda in mind. I have caused my own frustrations by not putting my children in front of myself. I understand not everyone embrace’s this way of thinking, but let me assure you, this is not a new way of thinking. The Bible speaks extensively on serving others and laying our lives down. That, of course is for another time.

There are plenty of areas for us to practice patience. And that’s exactly what we need to do: practice. It is not something obtainable over night, by any means.

We can practice patience in:

• discipline
• times of high stress
• training (w/chores, for example)
• teaching (academics and the like)
• constant questions

Practical Tips for Practicing Patience

• take a deep breath and pray for strength and wisdom
• think before you speak [or act]
• step out of the room if you need to; take 5 minutes to regroup
• try to avoid reacting

Love is Kind

In most cases, we as mothers don’t intend on being “mean” to our children. But, do we speak and do things that are intentionally kind? Are we careful about how we speak to our children or are we constantly speaking down to them with a tone of irritation in our voice?

I know in my home, those “irritating tones” come from my mouth more times than I would like to admit. It happens most often when I am in the middle of doing something and a child needs some sort of attention: a question answered, a drink or snack. Or it happens during times of discipline. There is a difference in showing disapproval and being degrading. Cutting down our children with our words is not being kind.  Telling them they always do this wrong or never do that right is not helpful for them. Name calling is also not kind. Telling our children they are selfish or mean, rather then speaking to them on being selfish or being mean and how there is a better way. During these times of training, we need to be using an even tone and not one of accusation or unforgettable disappointment.

I often forget that my children are just that: children. This doesn’t mean they are excused from being disciplined or trained. Rather, it means they are learning and are not going to have the wisdom of an adult yet. It is not kind to be in a constant state of irritation because our children “don’t know better.” It is our job to teach them. I believe this links in well with patience.

In addition to speaking kind words, we should do kind acts for our children. What speaks “love” to them? Do they like to spend time with you? I think every child longs for their mother’s and father’s attention. I believe it is safe to say that time shows love to our children. Debi Pearl said it well when she said:

Love is visible, tangible; it is doing, not occasionally, but constantly–that is the only kind of a love a child understands. If your love is not visible, it doesn’t exist. It is nothing more than an unapplied doctrine. (“All You Need is Love”, No Greater Joy Magazine, Mar-Apr. 2007)

We can practice kindness in:

• first, our hearts
• our tone
• our discipline
• our intentions

Proverbs 15:1 (NASB77)
¹ A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

God gave me the above verse as a gentle reminder, specifically for my 3-year old son.  He is especially sensitive when talked to in an unkind manner. Again, this is set aside from a firm tone in discipline. I am speaking more along the lines of raising our voices unnecessarily and the like. Anyways, I began to apply this verse whenever I needed to discipline him and it worked beautifully! Not only did I show my child kindness and respect, he responded much better to being disciplined.

Practical Tips for Practicing Kindness

• memorize Proverbs 15:1 so that it’s in your heart–kindness must begin in the heart
• be slow to speak–think before speaking
• try to identify why we are being unkind in the first place and deal with it

Kindness begins in the heart, and if the attitude of the heart doesn’t change or alter, then it cannot pour out on our children. Kindness must be authentic and being artificial is easily spotted–especially by children. Learning to practice kindness may seem artificial at first, but it is not. It is seemingly uncomfortable for the flesh because it is not used to such an act.

We need to plant kindness by knowing what God’s word says about it and putting it on.

Proverbs 16:24 (NLT)
²⁴ Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.

Ephesians 4:32 (NASB)
³² Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

1 Peter 3:8 (NASB)
⁸ To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;

I will leave you with another quote from Debi Pearl…

…mother’s maternal instincts diminish and are replaced by real love and respect. At least, that is the way it is supposed to happen. When hormones change and maternal instinct fades, the true heart of the mother is manifested. Is there a spirit of good-will and mutual respect, or is mother tense and distant, resenting the seemingly endless demands of parenting? (“All You Need is Love”, No Greater Joy Magazine, Mar-Apr. 2007)

Please join me next week to learn what love does. Subscribe here so we can journey together!

A Mother’s Responsibility – Intro

Just wanted everyone to know I’m out of town until this evening! Hope you are all having a great Memorial Day!

Be sure to come back tomorrow for the next part in “A Mother’s Responsibility”. I look forward to hearing some practical ideas and insights from you!

photo by CarbonNYC

Over the last several months, I have really met some wonderful women around the blogosphere. I have found support from many regular visitors and have also visited many inspiring women.

As a teenager, I put everything I had into a friendship that just went south. Admittedly, I was burned and have had a real hard time putting a lot of effort into friendships, as a result. I have had that fear of feeling like, “what’s the point? What good could I possibly bring?” I have one solid friend whom I had the blessing of living near me for 5 years before she moved out of state. Even though we were best friends, I still believed I could’ve put more effort into our friendship and fiercely regretted it when she moved away.

Again, this caused me to hold back a little. I was afraid of building a friendship that might be modified by an out-of-state move. Two more times I developed friendships that were becoming very deep, and both moved away. This has been very hard for me and the thought of trying yet again really is discouraging.

Still, I am learning much from everything that’s come about.

First, you can’t base the depth of a friendship on the miles between you.

This puts some major restrictions on a friendship that could potenitally blossom beautifully. Distance cannot stop the embrace of a friends encouraging words, or the wisdom so desprately needed in times of distress. It cannot hinder the laughter shared by friends who understand each others silly mistakes.

Second–you can’t assess future friends on past friendships.

This can be a rather crippling act, trust me. Past friendships and future friends have one thing in common: nothing. Seriously, we are talking about different people. It’s not fair for me to judge someone else because of a burned friendship from the past. I’m only punishing myself by not allowing myself the gift of friendship; the gift of fellowshipping with someone who shares the same goals, the same failures, the same concerns, or the same laughs. Or, different ones! What a great compliment to a friendship!

Last — but certainly not least, building friendships takes genuine, intentional effort.

I believe many of us think that friendships just happen by chance or that the other person should do all the work. I know, I thought that way (partly because of my own past wound). But friends, this just isn’t so, so destroy the lie now. Relationships often work the same way. Just like a marriage (though not, at the same time), friendships take intentional effort to make them work. If we aren’t stepping out of our comfort zone to reach out to build that relationship it won’t happen. Don’t expect that the other person should do it. We need to show real interest in people we wish to build relationships or friendships with. We need to make real effort to see what interests them and pray for them.

I want to challenge you to think of 2-3 women in your acquaintence whom you could potentially build a friendship with. Think of how you might bless them (with words of encouragement, for example), and step out to visit them, or call them. If you cannot think of anyone “in real life”, I encourage you to not overlook the blogging world. Do not be hindered by the miles, because there is much to be had in a friendship then mere company alone. At the same time, do not become isolated either. It is important to cultivate friendships outside of the home and meet with others, when possible. Let’s really step out and grab a hold of a handful of women who really inspire us, and reach out to build friendships with them. Friendships don’t just happen over night and they do take some opening up and vulnerability.

By the way, my best friend ever is my husband. It took me many years to understand how to make my husband my friend, too, but it can be done and it is the best of both worlds! Oh, and look at what he got me for Mother’s Day: a lilac bush!

The blossoms are just blooming and I can already smell them – the greatest smell in the world!

What would you say is the most challenging aspect of cultivating friendships?

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photo by lapideo

I’ve been praying and doing some heart searching on the intention of this blog, just to be sure I keep my priorities in line with the heart of God. I have revamped the entire “About” page to reflect the changes. I have also fully given up rights to it as being “mine” to it being God’s. Without Him, I cannot do any of it, and I have been in control of it far too long. This week I was really struggling with what to write about and couldn’t figure out why it seemed so easy for everyone else. But the moment I prayed and ask God what He wanted me to share on, He gave me something. Thus,  A Mother’s Responsibility was born, and now I have ideas coming out of my ears!

So, be sure to check out the *new* About page to find out the purpose of Journey to a Gracious Woman and just the cry of my heart.

This is a picture of my work area. I use it for lesson planning, blogging, correcting papers, doing Bible studies and anything else that happens to fall into here.

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