As some of you know, I’ve been reading “Created to Be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl for some time now. I am taking my time with it because I am trying to apply the biblical principals to my life as they are taught to me. Yet somehow, the battle for my marriage has been taken up a notch. Now, I know there is always a battle for my marriage to some degree. The last thing satan wants is for anybody to have a glorious marriage.

The first time I picked this book up, I wanted to throw it against the wall (I can safely say many women have felt that way!) However, I felt compelled to buy the book after having returned it to the library. This time my heart was more open to it because I strongly desired to have a pure servant’s heart (which is still in the works!) So ever since (a few months now) I have been diligently reading this book and applying it to my life. The hardest part has been dealing with my thought life; trying to handle the selfish desires.

God has created me to be a help meet to my husband – to help him in whatever endeavors life brings his way. I am struggling with this because I want his time. My love language is quality time and when I don’t get enough of it to fill my tank then I feel empty and lonely.  I understand what Debi is conveying through her book – through scripture – but from what I’ve gathered, women weren’t created without needs.  When I am already feeling empty and in need of some real time with my man, and I see a day ahead that can potentially fill the void, I get extremely hurt and disappointed when that day is snatched away by someone needing help. And I know that sounds so selfish.

I do not want to specify my thoughts during these times because it would sound as if I’m bashing my husband when it’s not really the case. The fact of the matter is, there is a battle going on in my mind for my marriage! If God hadn’t checked my spirit and told me to take these thoughts captive and replace them with the truth, my marriage could’ve been on the road to disaster – all because of my own thoughtlife. Has nothing to do with my husband, just my own drawn (false) conclusions.

My husband is a very driven, hard-working, giving man. I believe he is exactly how God made him and it’s my job to adjust to it. Perhaps that sounds harsh, but in my spirit I feel it wrong to be upset because someone is in need of help (having their car fixed, for example) and my husband wants to help. It’s not that he doesn’t care about me or the children – he does, and he tells me so very often. It’s that he has a giving spirit and he knows no other way.

The question is, would I rather have a husband who didn’t care about the need’s of others? Absolutely not! What I need to figure out and work towards (with lots of prayer) is learning to cope during the times he’s away. Not only that, but to be there to help him with whatever he needs. That is my calling – literally my reason for existing, is to help my husband.

Yes, this is a very awkward and uncomfortable thing to get used to…why? Because I didn’t grow up with this view. I watched the world and how it’s about me. I am not as selfish as some (not to be rude), but I definately had/have it in my blood. To me, it’s natural to think of my needs, not my wants, but my needs as just as important as my hubby’s. But the Truth is, as stated by the Bible, we are to think of other’s needs as more important than our own! Philippians 2:3-4 in the New Centuary Version says:

3 When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves.4 Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.

The King James says it this way:

3Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Lastly, the NIV says:

3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

This is definitely not for the faint of heart! How unnatural does it feel to constantly, not just once in a while, put others above yourself in everything!? You think you would get drained and your own needs wouldn’t get met. I constantly think that way. But the reality of it is, God is always taking care of my needs. He gives me those things I need, whether it be a break away from home, a cooked meal, my husband putting the kids to bed or whatever it is. If it’s time with my husband, which it often is, I continue to struggle with needing him around. I continue to give it to God and let Him handle everything. Is it a sin to hurt? No, I don’t think so. I think it would be a sin to act out on it, though. It’s hard just to “turn off” emotions. But you have two choices: 1. You can either let your emotions control you 2. Or you can control your emotions. That doens’t mean turning them off, it simply means keeping them in check and not acting out on them. Give them to God to handle. That’s what He’s there for. That’s what He wants!

I don’t pretend to know all of God’s inner-workings or His mind, since we all know He is a great mystery. However, that mystery can become revealed a little as we continue to press into Him and spend time getting to know who He is and how He works. Perhaps the reason for my husbands “absense” and convienent needs of others is to get me to rely more on God then man. I’d have to say it’s working, because more often now I am crying out to Him for help and venting my frustrations on Him instead of my husband (trust me ladies, this works wonders!) Not only do I have someone listening to my concerns and hurts, but that someone knows better then anyone else what I’m feeling. Plus, BONUS, I don’t get into a fight with my husband over my emotional state, which flucuates all too often, I’m afraid! Do you know what usually happens when I give it over to God? He changes my heart AND works on my husband’s heart, too! I don’t have to play the Holy Spirit with my husband – the Holy Spirit knows [better] how to do His job.

So, what is the enemy in marriage? This may shock you, but it is NOT your husband. It is not you either. I believe part of it is the work of the enemy, part of it is our own flesh, just growing up in this selfish world and being molded by it, and part of it is our emotions. We still have to take action – and it starts with us.  At first thought, you’d think we have no control over our emotions, but we do. It does take practice to get them in check, but it can be done.

So the questions I have for you is this:

What can you do TODAY to turn over your concerns, your hurt to the Lord?

How can you go out of your way TODAY to do something to please your husband (whether he deserves it or not)?

I am definately asking all of us to get out of our comfort zones, but you will be amazed at the results! It may take more then one time, but it will have an effect – not only on your husband, but on you, and your relationship with God. Go ahead – I challenge you!

Please, leave me a comment if this has helped you at all, if you have any questions or anything you’d like to add. :)

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