Journey to a Gracious Woman

…on becoming a woman of grace. What does it mean? How can I get there? Let’s journey together to find out! The hardest part is denial of self, however, I believe with the Lord’s strength combined with support from others who are going through the journey, we can conquer self and better serve others!  This journey is lifelong…it is neverending, until the day of the Lord.

There are several ways we can learn – the biggest being to put wisdom into action. But before that we need to tap into that wisdom. God says,

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he (she) should ask God who gives generously to all without fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5

We can seek knowledge, first and foremost, through the Word of God. We can also seek knowledge from others experience. Our testimonies can be a source of strength and motivation! We can read books, websites, listen to sermons, etc. As long as they point to the Bible and line up with what God says, we can learn from them in ways that are relevant to our personal lives.

I will not have a particular “day” of the week where I post something. This will be ongoing, and as time allows me to share (hopefully at least once a week). In order to stay posted on new posts, you can subscribe to my feed. I look forward to the journey, though I know it won’t be an easy one, it will be worth it!

My husband ran the 5k in the Detroit Marathon on Sunday, October 19. This was his first race and I’m so proud of him! Even though his knee failed him, he completed the race. Below is a picture and the footage of him completing the race. He finished toward the end of the clip…the clock on the right (in red) shows the time at about 26:47. He’s wearing a red shirt, dark grey pants, and a white hat. Once he crosses the finish line he collapses – but he crosses it!!

He raised money for Speed the Light which is youth funded missionary evangelism. I hope to run the 1/2 marathon together next year!

Click here for a pic of my hubby crossing the finish line. He’s in the red shirt on the right. Put in his bib #21133 and he’s the first pic, top left.

Click Here for video footage of him crossing the finish line. Click the first box labled :43-:53.  You can fast forward to about 26:47 on the red clock on the top left in the video or a little before to see him before he crosses.  Again, he is wearing red, with a white hat. He collapses from a knee injury as he crosses the line. He is my guy!!!! He let nothing stop him!

…is to give up your comfort zone.

Psalm 40:8

“I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.”

The days are forever filled with battling between flesh and spirit.  To live a comfortable life is not the promise of the Bible. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Not only are we persecuted by the world, but by our own flesh! Granted, there are days when the Lord just gives me that perfect peace and I can rest in that. I long for the days when that is a regular part of my life. I imagine, like everything else, it is something to be learned – it is something I would like to learn.

I was inspired by Kim at Homesteaders Heart as I read her Thankful Thursday post today to write this post on joy.

Psalm 30:5 His anger lasts only a moment,
       but his kindness lasts for a lifetime.
    Crying may last for a night,
       but joy comes in the morning.

Enlight of some hard times going on, this verse certainly rings true in my own life right now. At times I believe to have the joy of the Lord in my heart, but sometimes when real hard times come, I find it hard to keep that good attitude. I don’t believe joy to be an emotion. Like love, it is an action.

This leads me to believe that our joy cannot be measured based on our emotional state. Although joy can sometimes result as an emotion, it is not an emotion itself.

For example, if someone is dealing with depression, I believe they can still experience true joy. Some depression truly is hormonal or chemistry. It simply cannot be controlled by the person’s will, whereas joy can. Depression comes out looking as if the person lacks joy, however we do not need to show happiness to have joy.

Now that I’ve cleared that up…how do we learn to have a merry heart? With practice! Remember that old saying “Practice makes perfect!” Well it’s as true today as it was then. The problem we face is that we want everything instantaneous. We’ve grown up in a world where everything is delivered at lightening speed and we do not have the opportunity to develop patience. Instilling the fruit of the spirit, including joy, takes time, it takes experience, and it takes being mindful. We cannot learn a fruit without being mindful that we are working to develop it through our everyday experiences and those which are more challenging.

I was inspired by another lady blogger (which I can’t remember where in blogsville she is) to read one scripture per day on joy. She was battling depression and challenged with this task. I started on day one and forgot the rest of the week *blush*.  I would like to try that again. (One thing I am bad at is developing habits).

Nehemiah said it well in his book, 8:10:

…Don’t be sad, because the joy of the Lord is your strength

What does it mean to have the joy of the Lord? We know it is a condition of the heart, but what does it mean? These are answers I seek to find! This is my quest: to find out what it means to have the joy of the Lord.

Today has proven to be one of those more challenging days. And somehow I forget to keep a good attitude, though I will admit it’s gotten better with time. It started off this morning with the news that my husband’s job was on the line unless he could figure out what was wrong with the engine of a car he was working on (he’s an auto technician). He’d been working on it since last week, replaced the motor (which is $10,000 out of the customer’s pocket), and it didn’t fix the problem. My daughter and I spent the next hour in prayer after hearing that news. I also sent an email to everyone close to us to plead for prayer on Jonathan’s behalf.

Later in the day, he found out what went wrong. Now he will have to strip out the engine again, without pay. On top of all this, Benjamin (my 3-year old), has not been himself today. He is overly crabby and has a cough. I can only imagine that he isn’t feeling his best. But that’s put a bit more on my nerves. Even though I handed “my nerves” over to God, I still seem bothered by them.

I wish (though I hate the word) that I could remember through the trials to keep a good attitude and continue to praise the Lord with a joy-filled heart. It’s not until afterwards, after the storm, that I remember. Yet, it’s through the storms He calls us to praise Him.

You ever have those moments when you just don’t know what to pray? You are just so at a loss, you can’t find the words or don’t know what to pray? That’s how I am today.  Oh and it just got a whole lot worse….

Saturday was a cleaning day for us and afterwards we kind of just hung out. I read while the kiddos played outside and I finished Created to Be His Help Meet! There were plenty of parts in it that I wanted to rebel against, and maybe even a few, just a few points I didn’t agree with. But at this point, they don’t effect my marriage, and I pray they never do.

Having said that, I still highly recommend this book to every married lady and every bride-to-be. No, you may not like everything it has to say, but everything is backed up with scripture or should I say it began with scripture. Everything was derived right from the Scriptures. Debi didn’t come up with a topic and then go in search of verses to support her stance. No, she dug through the Word to learn about God’s calling for woman and presented it to us within this book, which is by no means exhaustive as far as verses. What a blessing!

Some important points I came across:

• When a woman resists or tries to change a man, she makes him more stubborn, and her own heart will be filled with bitterness
• It hurts our feelings if he doesn’t do things that we feel he owes us, but that is not the plan God set into place
• Surrendering your autonomy to another is not for wimps
• You can will to do what you ought to do much sooner than you can be motivated by your feelings to act. When you choose the right way, feelings will soon follow. (this is sooooo true!)
• Women want their husbands to perform. They expect them to be spiritual, hardworking, diligent, sensitive, and an attentive parent, or they will take personal offense and begin a campaign to change him into “their” image. I find it amazing that a woman would marry a MAN and then become angry because he continues to act like one.
• [A wife's] most basic responsibility is to make her husband’s home run smoothly.

I will leave it at that. There are many, many excellent points in Debi’s book. I am not going to tell you that this is an easy task – it’s the hardest job on the planet, and many people would agree. After growing up in a world that has taught us to look out for ourselves and our own needs, this is going to go against the grain of comfort! At times, it will make you mad. Even while reading this book, I did a, what I like to call, a “Debi no-no”. I decided I wanted my husband to know how I felt about an issue we were having. Now, my husband does not have a problem hearing my concerns. In my opinion, he is one of the easiest type of men to be married to. Anyways, I decided to write him a looong letter (because I convey myself better in written form). Well, while he was at work I made a comment to him on the phone that I was writing him this letter and he kind of got concerned and wanted me to email it to him. I hesitated, not wanting the meaning to be misinterpreted, and wanting to have the ability to talk through it. But, against my better judgement, I sent out the email. In all fairness, it was filled with emotion, accusatory, but not mean. Long story short, he was already having a bad day at work and this was the icing on the cake. He was not happy. He couldn’t understand many of my concerns and after talking about it over the phone we concluded the “issue” wasn’t the issue. LOL

Needless to say, everything was fine by the end of the conversation (btw, communication is a MUST in marriage!) So, it wasn’t wrong of me to express my concerns, per sei, but the letter and sending it to him at work was the mistake. But beware, every husband is different. Some don’t like this kind of confrontation AT ALL. What I should’ve done (which is what I ususally do) is just given it to God to handle. Debi was right. Though in the end everything was resolved, it was not the right way to approach a conflict.

I will warn you, reading this book could make you mad. In the same respect, it could encourage and challenge you. But you may begin to have struggles in your thoughts about your man – BEWARE. Take EVERY thought captive and give to God. Do not be fooled by the lies of the enemy.

This book will by no means go back on my book shelf to gather dust until the next time I pick it up and decide to read it. No, I plan to use it often as a reference. I have highlighted portions, and it is broken down nicely so that if I need to refer to a particular problem, I can find it easily enough.

I highly recommend this book. I also encourage you to read it cover to cover, even if you can’t stand it. The fact of the matter is, it carries Truth to no end. To resist it would only be to resist our very reason for exisiting, even though we grew up learning it a different way. It will take time and practice to change that view. This puts marriage into harmony and makes it glorious! God knew what He was doing and only wanted us to have the BEST! Remember, His ways are not our ways.

For more posts on Created, click on the “Marriage” category. They should be the most recent posts on marriage.

I simply want to make women aware that postpartum depression is very real, despite what some people may think. I don’t want to cause any controversies, but since this is my blog, I hold the right to it’s content.

Before I experienced it for myself, I believed depression to be soley a spiritual matter – it is not. I do believe that it can be spiritual, but I don’t believe this is always the case. Having said that, however, I also don’t believe EVERY case needs treatment from a doctor, meaning medication.  Certainly there are instances this is required. In my particular case, I’ve never used meds to correct the problem. I have been diagnosed with having moderate PP depression. Please visit www.postpartum.net for more information and how you connect to receive help.

According to the above site, 1 out of 8 women suffer from postpartum depression, yet 80% of them go undiagnosed and untreated. Meaning, many women don’t even know they are suffering from it. If you feel less then yourself, unable to explain why you feel weepy or lonely, not sociable, decrease or increase of appetite or sleep, etc., you may want to talk about it to your physician. Taking a vitamin B complex may also help. Try to eat a balanced diet and exercise can do wonders for those who suffer from mild to moderate PP depression.

*This information is not meant to diagnose anyone, so if you have concerns, please see your health care professional or do further research. This is for informational purposes only*

wild clovers in my grass today

Today is a rather dreary day in my neck of the woods. It is dark, cloudy and it has been raining on and off since I woke up.

My 3-year old is having a rough day since he went without a nap yesterday and got to bed 45 minutes late last night. So I’ve had to battle with him to get him to take his nap today. It sounds as if he has calmed down and may be drifting.

My 18-month old has a well-baby appt. later this afternoon, so I want Ben (my 3-year old) to be well rested for it. Then later in the evening we have church. We go to an Assemblies of God church and have the Missionettes program on Wednesday nights. I have decided to volunteer as the Prims (1st-2nd grade girls) teacher. For the next few weeks I will be sitting in on the class (as a helper) to see how it’s run, critique what I can change and familiarize myself with the girls. My daughter is in this class and she is very excited to have me as her teacher, to my relief!

My husband is having a hard week at work. He has been doing a lot of engine work this week so he actually hasn’t been making very much money. This has put him in a state of “worry”. God has this balanced out because I just pray about it and give it to God. God always takes care of us – there is no need to worry! This certainly isn’t his first “slow” week, and we’ve done fine in the past.

You know, I would probably write in this blog a lot more if I didn’t think about whether or not someone would bother reading my “ramblings”. It is a journal afterall. My journal and I ought not care whether people comment or not! LOL So when I have time, I’d like to just log my thoughts.