Journey to a Gracious Woman

I cannot express enough how wonderful this book is.

Chapter 8 talks about three kinds of men: Mr. Command Man, Mr. Visionary, and Mr. Steady. I want to focus on Mr. Steady because this is what my man is and I was given some advice and insights on how best to serve him as his help meet. It was rather exciting to see someone pretty much spell out my man and tell me how blessed I am to have him. It even taught me a few things about myself that I am excited to share.

In the back of my mind, I always believed the Proverbs 31 woman could be “modified” to suit each wives particular husband, because each husband is different in what he wants in a wife. For example, many husbands would like their wives to quietly trust their judgement without offering their opinion on matters. Not my husband. My husband almost always asks for my opinion/judgement on matters. He is not the type of man to want me to be this quiet, “overly” submissive wife. Whereas some men prefer this type of wife – and that is fine! Sometimes these wives must work very hard against their own desires to please their men and I give them great credit.

Here are some qualitites of my man, Mr. Steady, taken directly from chapter 8:

It is important to Mr. Steady that his wife be self-sufficient in all the mundane tasks of daily living. You must learn how to pay bills, make appointments, and entertain guests with a competence that brings him satisfaction. Your hobbies should be creative and useful, involving your children so that all of you are busy and productive everyday. Your home should be clean and orderly so that his friends and buiness contacts will be impressed and at ease. Your skills and achievements are your husband’s resume’. If you are wise and competent, then he must be even more so, the onlooker will think. At the end of the day, Mr. Steady will enjoy weighing what he has accomplished with what you have accomplished and will rejoice in the value of having a worthy partner in the grace of life.

It is your job to “sell” him, to speak highly of him until all are convinced and aware that he is the skillful professional they’ve been looking for.

Mr. Steady is always in demand. People everywhere need him to fix a car, build a house, set up their computer, figure out what’s wrong with their phone, heal them of cancer, and the list goes on and on. You begin to wonder if you will ever have him all to yourself. The answer is, no. He belongs to people.

The wife of Mr. Steady can heal her marriage by joyfully realizing what a friend, lover, and companion she has been given and living that gratitude verbally and actively. When she stops trying to change him, he will grow. She can, then, willingly take up tasks that will fill her time and give her husband joy and satisfaction when he sees her productiveness.

This is so unbelievably true of my husband. Esp. the 3rd paragraph down that begins: Mr. Steady is always in demand. Truer words were never spoken! Although I nearly cried when I read: You begin to wonder if you will ever have him all to yourself. The answer is, no.  :( LOL

This is just a tidbit about Mr. Steady – my husband.  Sure helps me appreciate him all the more. It helps mre realize I don’t need to mold to some wife who is going to make him unhappy. He is the type of husband who wants me to pursue my desires (to an extent) and have little stress. He doesn’t nag me about housework, though there are a few things in particular that he likes to see done. No book in the world has the “perfect wife mold”, since every husband is different in what he likes in a wife. It’s up to us to know our husband’s and mold to them. To find our lives in our husbands.

More to come….

Yea, maybe that may seem a bit over the top, but is it? Don’t get me wrong, my children aren’t monsters. In fact, we do get complimented quite often on how well behaved they are. But if they only knew the truth. And who do I blame for my children’s unruliness? Myself. No one else but myself. It is in my power, through the power of God, to train and discipline my children and it simply hasn’t happened to the extent it should.

Gabriella was better disciplined from a young age, I believe. In fact, I think it is easier to discipline her then the rest. That’s probably why she’s well behaved (for the most part). I mean, I do get occasional attitude issues and selfishness from her. But nothing I don’t deal with myself. (Gabriella and I are very much alike!)

Ben is near the opposite end of the spectrum.  He is rather strong-willed. He wants to be in control of everything and has trouble with authority (if I’m not consistent, which I’m not). He’ll talk back in grunts (same with Gabriella). There are waaaay too many things I let go. I’ve gotten better about some stuff, but not nearly enough. Most days, I feel like I’m walked all over (and they only do it because I consent them to).  He is domineering over his siblings. When something doesn’t go his way he literally screams. He’s taken the whole “ouchie” sympathy to a whole new level. Used to be we’d kiss his “ouchies”. Well, now EVERYTHING is an ouchie. If he grazes something, it’s an ouchie. So now we’ve created a cry-baby. (I don’t mean to name call, but I’m telling it how it is). Again, in NO WAY am I blaming my own children for their behavior – this is my fault for allowing it. I never trained Ben in helping with household chores like I did Gabriella. She started emptying the dishwasher at 3 years old. I know for sure Ben could do it – it’s just up to me to train him to and with a good attitude. But, am I up for the challenge, no. And that’s been my problem. Laziness.

Jeremiah, while he was such a quite, content little baby, is now picking up many of Ben’s “habits”. Screaming when he doesn’t get what he wants. He and Ben fight to no end (probably because they are much alike!). Jeremiah also gets into EVERYTHING and instead of properly training him, I find myself constantly saying “Jeremiah, NO!” He’s already picked up those talking back “grunts” at only 17 months old!

Now, here’s my dilemma – upon taking up the challenge of finally being a parent, I just don’t want to be constantly correcting my children – and, well, at this point, that’s what it is going to be for a while. There is a lot of “willful disobedience” and talking back around here. There are even bouts of “no” coming from Ben that I just let go! When am I going to realize my kids aren’t going to train themselves?! That as long as I allow my children to run the house (which is what goes on here 80% of the time!), I am just going to be a stressed out, cranky, miserable mom. My home lacks harmony. Big time.

Naps are another issue. Ben still requires a nap everyday and he flat out refuses to take it. Even if I make him stay in bed, he won’t sleep. But if we have a car around b/w 4:00 and 5:00, he’ll fall asleep in the car with little effort. Every time. Plus I can tell in his attitude he needs the sleep.

Right now I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it all. Jeremiah is supposed to be napping but instead is sitting in bed screaming in protest.

Tomorrow I dread the urologist appt. I will have to endure w/all four kids because I couldn’t get a sitter.

Sibling rivalry is another big issue around here. Horendous, it is. I don’t even know how to go about correcting that! Whining is ridiculous – and not even for asking for anything, just whining in general! Everything has to include whining in it.

Ugh, I’m so wore out.

Recently, until tonight, I had about 3 “parenting” books I was beginning to thumb through. But the truth is, I’m getting tired of reading these books! Don’t get me wrong, the ones I have chosen are excellent choices, however, I find myself reading the same wonderful information over and over again, under different authors. So, my problem is, I don’t need someone telling me the right way to parent anymore – I know it. I need to do it. So I have removed them all from my list and replaced them with a more challenging alternative: The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis. I will begin tonight, even if only a few pages.

I am also reading some books with my daughter. Frequently I will read a chapter of “Created to Be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl. However I am not in a hurry to finish this book, as I like to try and put the challenges to use before moving on to the next chapter. This is an EXCELLENT book, btw! Click the above button for more!

Reading time is hard to find around here, having 4 children 6 and under. When I do read it’s usually when I sit down to nurse. Sometimes I only get a couple of pages read in a night. But it gives me plenty to chew on doing it that way, instead of being bombarded. I am not a big novel fan, although I will occasionally read one or a series. I just recently gave up reading the Redemption series by Karen Kingsbury, right in the middle of the 3rd book. I am not saying they are “bad” books, but there sure is a lot of drama for one family. It reminds of me a soap opera – but a Christian one. I just felt like I could better utilize my time with something more meaningful. (Totally my opinion, since my time is so limited).

I look forward to sharing tidbits from The Weight of Glory!

My attitude since last Monday has since improved, praise the Lord. However, the weekend was hard as I was dealing with my emotional self. But I gave it to God in prayer and let Him handle it all.  He always does!

This week in church, our pastor challenged us to give God control of one thing in our lives that we have kept control over. I am handing over control of my children. Though I do seek to teach them to lead a “Christian life”, to me it’s not enough. I want them to have a true relationship with Jesus Christ – not some religion that they follow because their parents do. I give up control of putting my own agenda ahead of them and their needs. Their need for attention and nurturing; for a more organized mother and home.

I feel so scattered brained lately. Like I’m all over the place. I have too much going on and think I can just do it all and I know I can’t. Esp. with homeschooling. Homeschooling requires sacrifice. There is no question there. And perhaps as I become more familiar with this curriculum, I will learn how to plan faster.

I don’t know if this is making any sense. It’s not that we haven’t dedicated them to the Lord – not just in word, but in our actions, too. But there is always room for improvement. I want them to know the importance of spending regular time with Jesus – actually setting time aside to learn more about who He is and how much He loves us. That sort of thing.

I just know in my heart my “fighting” with my children is because I am controlling the situation and not allowing God to pour into me the wisdom I need to handle the discipline well, with patience. Consistently I am more upset trying to handle the conflict because it is interefereing with “my agenda”. This just cannot be. Maybe it’s not the control of my kids I’m handing over, but my own agenda. (*lightbulb moment*) Yes, that must be it – it’s MY agenda I really need to give God control of. I know He will not be rigid, I don’t know what I haven’t just done it before. All I need to do is follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit!

Thank you Jesus for this revelation!

This goes back to my post “Stepping Over Self“. Handing over control of my agenda will bring much peace, I’m sure. I will be back here next week, hopefully sharing a testimony of how I gave up a little control this week of my own agenda to follow God’s. So “tune” in!

Well, I’ve decided to go ahead and start running again. No, I don’t *think* I have the time for it, but my husband is wonderful and is willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen for me because he really wants me to run, too. I think it has to do with companionship and I am ALL for that. He wants me to share in his recreation and honestly, I think that allows for more unity in a marriage. And afterall, I do love running. It’s my own excuses keeping me from doing it! If my husband can find the time, I can, too. God knows I need the energy. Plus the exercise will do me good. It’s really good all the way around!

So beginning tonight, I will go out and run. I can’t guarantee how far I will go yet, but I’ll work up my endurance quickly enough! Only problem is, this is going to require both hubby and I to buy new running shoes in the near future – we really don’t have the money for that, so we’ll see what happens.

Running is a wonderful discipline – not just for the body, but for the mind.

This week I started working in our school schedule into our lives. I’ve come to realize something – although it didn’t go TOO bad, there is definitely room for improvement – lots of room. It requires much from me. Not that homeschooling doesn’t require a lot. It is a very sacrificial job. This is something I am going to learn through and through this year. This is my first “official” legal year of homeschooling. (Although I started pre-k with my dd 3 years ago). Although we did “school”, it wasn’t consistent. Not like it has to be this year. I can’t just not do it because I don’t “feel” like it. It is going to take MUCH discipline.

Although the Lord has brought me a LONG way limiting my computer time, I still have much room for improvement. Instead of seeing a 15 minute slot of “free time” while Gabriella works independently and running to the computer for a quick “break” or browse, I need to be spending that 15 minutes keeping my house in order; because that is what is majorly lacking since school began. I could also use that 15 minutes or so to engage with my boys who are 3 and 16 months of age.

This is going to require me to step over myself and think of my family as more important then myself. Don’t misunderstand, this is not replacing a time of rest for me. I will get that time later in the evening. But during the day, there are plenty of computer sessions that can be cut out for the benefit of my family and a smooth running day.

So I will participate in what I can, when I can, otherwise my days will be dedicated to my children and my nights to my husband and Jesus. This way of thinking was inpsired by another blogger: Tiff @ Teaching Diligently, however, the idea that our schedule is getting “messed up” because my “15 minute breaks” turn into “30 minute breaks” and throw off our day was the gentle conviction of the Lord. God has made me a woman of strength and I know with Him by my side, there is no reason why I can’t stick to this discipline and bless my children and my home.

I could also take 1 or 2 of these 15-minutes “breaks” as a time to connect with the Lord for a few mins. It really helps when I am able to spend time with Him, cry out for help, and get direction!

So, without further ado – I have work to do!

“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” Prov. 31:10

This is the verse that I’ve named my blog after. Something that I strive for everyday – every minute of everyday. Yet lately, I’ve not been able to reach this goal like I would like. I have been short-tempered and bitter and I’ve been fighting with my flesh on it every step of the way. When things haven’t gone my way or the way I’ve planned them to go, it irritates me. I am a planner. I plan everything (at least I try). I can’t “fly by the seat of my pants”. Esp. not at this season of my life. It just doesn’t work that way when you have 4 children 6 and under. They need structure to feel secure and I need it to stay sane. It helps them to know what to expect. It helps me, too, to know what I’m doing each day.

However, lately, my attitude has been a battle b/w my spirit and flesh. They both want to take over!  I’m reading a wonderful book called “Created to Be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl and even she says that there are times she has every right to feel offended by some of the things her husband does – BUT SHE DOESN’T TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SO. She keeps her mouth quiet in order to maintain peace and unity. Besides, 95% of the time the problem is us, not our hubbies. AND, if it is our hubby, it’s not up to us to change his ways or his attitudes. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. That’s when we are in a position, as their wives, to pray for them. BELIEVE ME, it WORKS. Prayer is the most powerful weapon that is the least used by Christians. No joke.

As of now, I don’t have any “quick-fix solutions” to this problem I’m facing. It reminds me of how I felt when I was sleep deprived last year when Jeremiah was a baby. I wonder if that is what is happening here. After several compounded nights of broken up sleep, it can take a toll on your mentality – even if you don’t feel it in your body (because it’s masked with caffiene). The ability to handle stress weakens greatly – ANY kind of stress, even “healthy” stress – the kind that helps you take care of needy children. Suddenly you just begin to snap at everything.

So, as of now I am continuing in prayer to deal with my attitude and being sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s direction.

Today we are starting our home “schooling” year, but we are already 30 minutes behind schedule (yet here I sit on the computer. Well, Gabriella is eating her breakie anyways).  I need to remind myself that my schedule must remain flexible – it has to with 3 other children ages 3 and under! As of now, my weapon against my own worst enemy – my flesh – is prayer and obediance.

Colossians 4:5-6 “Do not worry about anything but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God’s peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (AMEN!)

We sang this song at church yesterday and it just brought me to tears. Esp. the part that says “Rid me of myself, I belong to you.” That is my prayer. Well, since I can’t figure out why it won’t post in here (even though I followed the instructions) here is a link to the video: Lead Me to the Cross

 Philippians 1:21

2 Corinthians 7:1  “Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.”

What promises are Paul talking about here? See, it’s good to start off with just one verse, because then it forces us to dig deeper into the Word to discover it’s meaning! The verses prior tell us the promises and gives an example of what contaminates our body and spirit. Let’s take a look:

2 Cor. 6:16-18 (NLT) 
    And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said:

        “I will live in them
            and walk among them.
        I will be their God,
            and they will be my people.
        [17] Therefore, come out from them
            and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord.
        Don’t touch their filthy things,
            and I will welcome you.
        [18] And I will be your Father,
            and you will be my sons and daughters,
            says the Lord Almighty.”
 

So the promises are that God will live in us and walk among us. If we stay away from the “filthy things” he speaks of, he will adopt us as His own children. The contaminates include worshipping idols, but I urge you, challenge you even to read several verses in chapter 6. You can click the link and do it right here – don’t promise yourself you’ll do it later – you won’t. Now is the time. There are about 4 verses.

Now that we’ve cleared up the meaning of the verse (promises and contaminates), let’s talk about how we can apply this to our personal lives. And please, do not be afraid to include yourself in the discussion – it is important for us to see different depths to the verse and one person alone simply cannot do that. Testimonies are also an excellent way to share with others how the verse was lived out.

It’s funny that this verse is talking about idols, because yesterday alone I wrote an entry titled “Husband Dependant“, wondering if I treated my own husband like an idol. Simply put, an idol is something we put above God – even unconsciously, I believe. After some thought, putting my thoughts “on paper”, and listening to a good friend, I know I don’t I elevate my husband to a position above God. However, actions speak louder then words, and while I may not put my husband above God, I do have something that I somehow manage to put above God everyday – my own busyness. And you know, I looked up “busyness” on dictionary.com (to make sure I spelled it write) and do you know what it says it means? Lively but meaningless activity. OUCH! My busyness just cannot compare to spending time with the Lord. Even just a few minutes, but something that is deliberate, not accidental. Again, this is not to go against my thoughts on what TAWG (time alone with God) is supposed to look like (see my entry titled “Whoever Said Quiet Times Had to be Quiet?”) This is a personal conviction I am feeling pressed upon me. Because I know there are things I do with my time that could be better spent doing something else–like having TAWG. (Yes, believe it or not, even as a mother of 4, I still have some “holes” I can fill in my time!)

As we read these verses, let us not think of them as yet “another rule to follow”, because it is certainly not what it is. In order to see this verse in the light of opportunity, we need to check our hearts. Do we see this verse, or these verses, as an opportunity to grow closer to God and rid ourselves of our own fleshly desires? Or do we see them as more “rules to follow” as a Christian? Ponder that this weekend and if yours is true to the latter, pray that God can change your heart – but you must be open and willing.

 So, the time has come (or perhaps should’ve came already) to potty train our 3-year old. We bought into the idea that we had to wait until he showed “ready signs”, but at the rate he’s going….well, it just may never happen! (Ok, so I’m being a bit dramatic). On the contrary, and thankfully I’m learning this now, but we can begin potty training as early as 1 year of age! You doubt? The thought is certainly logical, even probable! The method conveyed by the author is quite simple: begin familiarizing your child with the potty as soon as possible. Make it a habit to put him/her on it several times a day (ex/ first thing in the morning, after meals, before naps and bedtime, etc.) That way, they really ease into potty training and it’s not a big deal. It’s not scary or “out of the blue” or anything like that. It becomes something that is a part of their everyday routine and eventually, those diapers will just disappear!

Anyways, I want to recommend the book. I haven’t succeeded with this method yet, but I am confident with consistency, it will work. I may come back with some “woes” and successes in the future on the matter!

The book is: Diaper Free Before Three by Jill M. Lekovic