Journey to a Gracious Woman

Today I’m fighting the urge to go lay down. I am always falling way behind because of my little naps in the morning/afternoons. Sometimes I just can’t help it…I’m just so tired. Ben has been a very needy toddler this past week and that has really zapped my energy. So when he’s napping, I like to be, too.
Well, at least all my laundry is done. I don’t think it will hurt to lay down for a few minutes – or 30 minutes.

I admit, I haven’t kept up as much as I would like with my blogging. I’ve been missing “In ‘Other’ Words”, which stinks because I REALLY enjoy doing those. I have also missed “Live Well Wednesdays”. Things have been so hectic around here that I haven’t had the time to sit down and put two good words together.
My children have been plagued with being sick since fall started – and I’m not exaggerating. It’s very sad to see. Fevers, vomiting, runny noses, coughing, sneezing. The coughing is the worst.
I’ve also been battling morning sickness, mostly in the morning, surprisingly. Once afternoon hits, I hit the floor running to catch up doing all the things I didn’t in the morning. Thankfully, it isn’t all that bad. Hopefully it will stay this way. At least until the 2nd trimester, lol.

I’m hoping to get back to “normal” next week. We are going to get all the Christmas stuff down and put away no later then this weekend and put the house back in order.

I pray you all had a wonderful Christmas!

Yep, had two pink lines yesterday evening! I just couldn’t wait any longer to know! We have a busy year ahead of us and I don’t want to focus on the end of the pregnancy so much as the journey.
I did tell my husband, like right after I took the test, lol. Actually, I gave the honor to my 5 year old daughter because she is praying for a sister. She is so cute! She said, “Daddy! A wonderful thing has happened! Mommy has a baby in her belly!”

The test wasn’t even finished before the positive line came up. God totally has all the glory in this because He told me back in October that He wanted us to have another one. I haven’t even had a cycle yet since I had Jeremiah, so it’s been 18 months! Now I’m about to go about another 18 months without a cycle! Woo hoo, three years without a cycle! LOL Of course, that’s all replaced with other things, lol. I am praying all the way through this pregnancy! Not that I didn’t with the others, but God promised to be my portion and I believe Him. I will ask for whatever I need – no matter how minute it seems to me. He knows everything I need to run a household with 3 other children!

Also, this puts new meaning on “Living Well”. I am still lactating and actively nursing Jeremiah and will continue so until he’s about 1 year of age. So I need to make every bite count and keep up on my exercise in order to keep my energy levels up. (It worked yesterday!) I am forced to live well for the sake of the health of my babies and myself. It’s amazing what a push will do, though. Both yesterday and today I have only had one cup of coffee – and God has given me grace and I haven’t suffered from any headaches or over fatigue (since I’ve exercised). So that is a blessing!

So, praise Jesus for His blessings! We are working toward that quiverfull, huh?!

This past week I’ve really started thinking (and working as of yesterday) on my caffiene intake. I love my coffee…but I drink it in the morning and the early evenings also. I would like to wean myself from drinking it in the late afternoon (or get decaf, because I drink it because of the taste, but decaf is considerably more expensive). Yesterday I did well with only drinking one cup in the late afternoon, but tonight (Tuesday) I didn’t do as well. Also, if I am not already pregnant, Jonathan and I will be having another baby whenever the Lord sees fit. It could be anytime and I want to be sure I have my diet in order before that happens. These past two weeks have me wondering though, because I have been soo fatigued. The kind of fatigue I only get during pregnancy. I am hoping to take a test before Christmas and surprise hubby on Christmas morning, but we shall see. So, cutting down on my caffiene intake is my goal. I am confident that I can do it because I’ve done it before, with the grace of God! Keeping the sugar out has been going pretty well, I am happy to report.

Yes, I want more children. But sometimes I wonder “Why?!” Why, when I feel like I can’t handle the ones I have now? Why when I am so undeserving do I think that I have any right to have more children? I certainly have no rights. I certainly have no reasons to why I think I deserve more children. Just because I am able, doesn’t mean I should.
I love my children so much, which is why I hate how I can get so frustrated with them. I don’t seem to understand they are just children. I don’t seem to understand they are not ME. They don’t think like me, they don’t act like me, yet that’s what I expect of them. God made them unique and I need to train them in that way. In God’s way, not my way. Why do I fall short every single day? Why can’t I seem to make changes that I feel are so desperately needed?
It’s like I understand Gabriella all too well (she is me all over) and I don’t understand Benjamin at all. Sometimes I think Gabriella can drive me bonkers because, well, maybe because I’m not happy with who I am at times and I don’t want her picking up on those things. Jon and I seem to think that we can force her to change her bad attitudes yet I don’t think that’s possible. We can encourage her and point her in the right direction, but ultimately, the decision is between her and God. I remember that when I was younger…preteen, teenager, I had carried a bad attitude around my family a lot. I guess I was resentful of the man who had entered my mom’s life and invaded our family (that’s how I saw it). So I had a bad attitude as long as I could get away with it, and only “straightened up” so I wouldn’t get grounded. My heart was still very hard because the root was not taken care of. Just the surface. No one encouraged me to pray or talk about it with God. No one in my family was serving God at the time.
What we, as parents, need to do is recognize the things from our own childhood that worked and those that didn’t and parent accordingly. I think many times we do this for the most obvious things, but not the more suttle things, which can eventually blow up and be our biggest monster in our parenting years.
Benjamin is rather strong willed, just like his daddy. Jonathan would (or may) best know how to handle him since he is the same way. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much discipline in his home at all, so it’s hard to tell what worked. Obviously, a lack of discipline doesn’t work. (Thank God for the saving grace of Jesus!) At this point, I seem like the weak link in the parent duo. I try not to be, but sometimes I just don’t think some things are worth fighting over. However, allowing Ben to win sometimes makes him fight all the more harder all other times. Ben doesn’t recognize authority as respectable (except Jon’s). How can I teach him that he needs to submit to authority?
If I am struggling so much with what I have, why do I think I can handle more? Well, I know I can’t, but God can. But I still feel I am struggling so bad! Some days I feel like a great parent, but most days, I feel like a failure. I take my bad days out on my children. How horrible is that?!
I know every parent (ok, most parents) have good intentions to raise their children right – but I think a lot of times, somewhere along the way, they feel like giving up. Like it’s a lost cause and they can’t win. I definately won’t give up trying to be the best mommy God has called me to be. As long as we keep striving, God will keep leading. How often do I miss days of spending time with the Lord and asking Him what He wants of me?! There’s a big problem right there. All I need to do is spend time with Him, and He will direct my paths. Here is the key: Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Reading God’s Word daily and living it out, daily, will direct me. Daily. Not just when I have time. Not just when I feel like it. Not just when I think I need it. (Honestly, I always need it, though my flesh may tell me otherwise). Daily. See, the Holy Spirit is directing even as I sit here and type this. Because before I started this, I felt lost, and again, He is directing my path: right back to the Bible.

Well, this week hasn’t been too bad. I have been weaning myself from the sugar and junk alright. I’ve noticed going through withdrawls, but God has helped me with that! I do need to get more water intake, but I am still working on that!Nothing really major to report at this point.

This week’s quote is:
Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins,worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”~ Mark 12:41-44 ~

This is so beautiful and yet so simple. What made her giving worth more than all the others? The fact that she made a sacrifice. A sacrifice costs something. Anything less is to hold back from God. When we give our offerings to the Lord, are they really costing us something? Or do we keep our things close because we’re afraid? Afraid that God is holding out on us. Afraid that if we take that step of faith we won’t be able to pay our bills. God will not ignore your sacrifice, nor will He break a promise. What does His word say?

Matthew 6:30 (NLT) And if God cares so wonderfully for
flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won’t he more surely care for
you? You have so little faith!

This is just a piece of what He tells us. He also tells us to
ask for anything we need (Matthew 7:7-8, Mark 11:24).

He promised to take care of us. Why are we holding back? What are we afraid of?

The year of 2007 has been a big year of giving for my husband and I. The Lord has really spoken to us about sacrifice and what it really means. We have given when it was easy. We have given when it was hard. And there were a few times we didn’t give at all because we were lead by our own fear. Those were times I didn’t like, because I felt like we didn’t trust God if we didn’t give. We were blessed when we gave out of the abundance God blessed us with ~ but guess what? We were even more blessed to give that which we thought we did not have to give. When the bills came in and there wasn’t enough money, we gave anyway. The temptation to worry was there, but it wasn’t fed, because God promised to take care of us, and in giving sacrificially, as He asked of us, we trusted Him. He came through every single time. Whether (and mostly) through what’s called a “pentecostal handshake” (a handshake that carries cash) or some other blessing. God came through. Period. That is when we were most blessed, because God’s glory shined through sacrificial giving. Most times, we got more back then we “needed”.

Don’t miss the opportunity to glorify God through sacrificial giving. Take a look at this verse:

2 Samuel 24:24 (NLT) But the king replied to Araunah,
“No, I insist on buying it, for I cannot present burnt offerings to the Lord my
God that have cost me nothing.” So David paid him fifty pieces of silver for the
threshing floor and the oxen.

Please visit Beloved Mama’s Blog, as she is the host of this weeks “In ‘Other’Words”.